The question of the day

Are you surprised you survived this long?

What a probing question. I shouldn't be alive.

I never thought it would end. But I've put myself in danger, I've been reckless with me. My children, my love, my body, my life.

I've had other people save my life in hospitals. It must have looked like they cared about me more than I did. In that moment they really did. I didn't want to die. But I had no desire to live.

I wanted to survive. But I had no motivation to put effort into changing my life. What would a changed life look like?

What would it be?

The things that normal people did still interest me little. I'd love to have a "different plane" kinda gig.

Be in the world, but not if it. Like the details of life don't need to be considered... Why? When there are so many more interesting things to think about? Live about?

Why love like the normal human. Why have the normal needs.

My soul should feed on other stuff.

Better stuff.

No clue where to go and get it.

But that's a scrub life?