February 2 reflection

FEBRUARY 2 

RESCUED BY SURRENDERING 

Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of 

omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position. 

A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311 

The great mystery is: "Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, 

while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued.

Me- all I can say is okay! I don't know why so many of us die. I'm not deserving of this umpteenth chance at life. I can accept the author saying it was because she surrendered at the same time God moved in her. I believe her. I know God did ALL the work in my case. It feels like I surrender repeatedly it true. But I also know I'm self centered, an ago maniac and manipulative. I think sometimes I pretended to surrender. God helped me anyway. The real surrender was with God's help. I'm sick. When I'm obedient it's with God's help. When I'm steadfast it's with my sponsors help. When I move out of my comfort zone it's with her help as well. I'm not strong. I'm trying to surrender. Sometimes I don't even know if I know how. But God has kept me sober until this morning. I'm grateful today. I'll try again. But I know sobriety is not a combination of skills I get correctly. I know God's hand is doing the heavy lifting. My prayer today: God keep me make the next right move repeatedly today. If you are with me , I'll go to bed tonight sober.