I'm a Nut

I've been one for a longtime; and my nuttiness runs my life so much... It has it currently paralyzed. For example, I don't know how to have a decent relationship. My nuttiness won't go away, and it demands I sabotage everything. It has other qualities: I prefer a lie to the truth, I self medicate; I'm one of the smartest people I know but it's been 8 years since I've held a job.

Don't get me wrong... I'm my favorite person even though I have these issues. But I acknowledge I'm a fuckin nut. I also acknowledge I have got to alter it enough to get some non-nutty shit done. In other words, I have to change enough to be an amazing nut as opposed to a fucking one.

Winning is not a sometimes thing, it's an all the time thing. You don't win once in a while; you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is a habit. Unfortunately so is losing.

-Vince Lombardi

My nuttiness aside, I believe the idea that we are in control of our thoughts. That our thoughts lead to our actions and action determine results.

I, your darling lunatic need different results. So that requires different actions, But the only way to do that is through my thoughts-- and my brain is nutty...

Therefore I have to adapt my non-nutty parts enough that my actions are different despite the nuttiness that ain't going no where. And if Vincy L is right one of the reasons I'm in this position because I've been a "once in a while" kind of nutcase.

I've chosen to become a "win all the time nutcase;" I can do it too because there are areas where I do: my smile, my curiousity, my drinking, my intuition... But there are a list of areas where I need to win all the time: Choose a passion, choose a career, just get a friggin job; step up my image; follow through in my relationships; repair my relationships; read my mail; make some money; control the money I make... I could go on and on.

Hold onto your hat.

Your Darling Scrub.