Ahhh... I need a cigarette

I just watched the first intelligent presidential press conference in 8 years...

sketch of my hand

I realize I have my mother's hands, and my grandmother's too.

I mean, I love them... but this realization is not a pretty one.

Serenity prayer-- part TWO

more to come...

http://www.thevoiceforlove.com/serenity-prayer.html

I'll write when i have time to reflect... this is good readin.

:-)

I'm back Biatches!!

Up and down and hell and back... your darling Scrub is getting the help that she's needed for years.

twenty-something days in, and twenty-something days to go, and the next phase of my life starts!!

Wish me luck!!

Sabotaging a new relationship

I'ma throw a few words out there , perhaps there's stickiness

Caveat: I spent last night listening to Barry White, Motown Classics and Old school Hip-Hop on a street corner while having a Heineken... Methinks it might color the tempo of the thrown words... hee hee

There's something wrong.
I feel a game comin on
I'm not one who leads people on
So i pay attention if my intuition's strong.

It's nothing specific. If it were I could put my finger on it, describe it, prescribe for it.
I can't.

I like you. A lot.
Perhaps our friendship was made for something different.
The cosmos banged us into each other so I could teach Alexis French
or acquire shoes to give away
or for money reasons
a different kind of season...

Maybe it's a timing thing... or a Rhyming thing :-P

I want to discover and kill the wrongness,
but I also refuse to prolong, when something is wrong.

So what does all that mean?
I'm not easily hurt, but I know what it feels like
I'm not a game to be played; regardless of how glorious the endeaver.
The ending is always the same.
There's a winner and a loser.

Props well deserved

Ta-nehisi is a beautiful writer and friend of the Family. This is a blog to put on your favorite list darlings. (I've been reading him secretly forever, but his latest post featured NEW EDITION! it's time to come clean)

http://ta-nehisicoates.theatlantic.com/

Today is Lincoln's 200th Birthday...

Pennies everywhere! But what I find interesting is that it's also Darwin's 100th B-day.

I have complicated feelings about Darwin, considering "Origin of the Species" is just shorthand for the real title, "On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life."

Favored Races... lawrd.

Just for fun...

indulge...

Your darling Scrub :-P

That Paterson

Caveat: I made the choice to not write about politics for a while, With this mass-cult-of-personality-thing that's been going on since November, I've been staying out of the fray when it comes to politico discussions, but these two tidbits have been tickling me for days; so I gotta get it out of my system. This shit makes me chuckle everytime I think about it.

(1) Gov. Paterson denied C. Kennedy's ass. (2) Blago has the balls to call somebody else's actions "a sham." I know it's not supposed to be funny, they are very complicated matters... but the great jokes, infidelities, drugs, screwing with political dynasties, corruption on tape, and you know Paterson's gonna keep that office, and Blago has an infamous future ahead of him; what's next? Hah!

I'm not even watching today's morning shows, I might black out if these yahoos make one more sexy move.

Scrub

Art Deco Lovely- Yum

Three words: Boris Lovet Lorski

Sigh...

I met the most impossible man

One can't help for whom they fall.
I love the way he grabs my waist.
I love the way he looks upon my face.
But I hate that he yelled at, then kicked his dog.
--Me

I like him. I have friends just like him he would love and identify with. But Ex-lovers? Not so much. It has less to do with him than it has to do with me. I feel comfortable being treated a certain way. And the way does not involve courseness; he's very course. He likes attention, a lot of it. If we were just friends it'd be funny, but I don't like to present myself in such a manner, since dating someone reflects on us I'd really prefer if he'd quit it. I've gotten the feeling he's brought folk around me simply to show off. Ugh. I don't want to be the story a guy tells to his friends. He called me a "Becky" once in front of one.

"Becky"? Seriously?

I don't like shopping, or flashy clothes. I love my Hip Hop, but I take it in measured doses and not at level 11 if someone else is in the car. Especially not through residential neighborhoods late on school nights. I'm pretty confident he'd refer to me as a Bitch or a Ho to his brothers when I'm not around. Once, I heard him carry on a phone conversation with one of his million "cousins," right? Oh my God. I have no words...

Yes I do. These are grown ass men gossipping worse than a damn church quilting club.

I'm more comfortable with someone who acts like a gentleman. Not because he's with me, just because that's the way he treats people. Everybody, even the check-out girl at the bank; even the troll on the street; even his girl when no one is watching; even his boys and his family.

Sigh.

So what does all that mean?
I don't know.
I do know I'm a strong woman who likes a strong man.
I do know we seemed to have a lot in common.
I do know that I like him.

It's nuts not to give it a shot but I can't promise it won't irk me. He watches FOX NEWS! C'mon! I'm not a bitch for being highly offended! Fox News!

Uh huh. If the fact he often graphically opines OUT LOUD about my body parts doesn't move ya, I bet the Fox-News-watching-thing gets you on my side. uh huh...

I digress.

I've asserted all this very explicitly to this guy; But he's a damn knuckle-head, so I don't know if it really sank in.

I guess the next move is his. I wonder if he's willing to up his game a little...

:-)

Sliding my eyes over

something provoking is almost as good as layin them on something beautiful.

ahh. Hakim Bey's Chaos: The Broadsheets Of Ontological Anarchism

sigh.

I'm a Nut

I've been one for a longtime; and my nuttiness runs my life so much... It has it currently paralyzed. For example, I don't know how to have a decent relationship. My nuttiness won't go away, and it demands I sabotage everything. It has other qualities: I prefer a lie to the truth, I self medicate; I'm one of the smartest people I know but it's been 8 years since I've held a job.

Don't get me wrong... I'm my favorite person even though I have these issues. But I acknowledge I'm a fuckin nut. I also acknowledge I have got to alter it enough to get some non-nutty shit done. In other words, I have to change enough to be an amazing nut as opposed to a fucking one.

Winning is not a sometimes thing, it's an all the time thing. You don't win once in a while; you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is a habit. Unfortunately so is losing.

-Vince Lombardi

My nuttiness aside, I believe the idea that we are in control of our thoughts. That our thoughts lead to our actions and action determine results.

I, your darling lunatic need different results. So that requires different actions, But the only way to do that is through my thoughts-- and my brain is nutty...

Therefore I have to adapt my non-nutty parts enough that my actions are different despite the nuttiness that ain't going no where. And if Vincy L is right one of the reasons I'm in this position because I've been a "once in a while" kind of nutcase.

I've chosen to become a "win all the time nutcase;" I can do it too because there are areas where I do: my smile, my curiousity, my drinking, my intuition... But there are a list of areas where I need to win all the time: Choose a passion, choose a career, just get a friggin job; step up my image; follow through in my relationships; repair my relationships; read my mail; make some money; control the money I make... I could go on and on.

Hold onto your hat.

Your Darling Scrub.

Finding Your Place

Alright, so just like blogs, careers should be based on your interests, identity and point of view. So this blog is about: Media I find funny; Politicians I find funny; Law; Art; My eratic sense of zen; The New World Order; Making the world a better place; Caribbean culture; Subjugation; The Hood; The people I meet; and Sex.

Question - How the hell do I parlay these into a career?

Cuz I gotta get one of those...

My Present to you, Merry Christmas Eve!

SCAN, The Secret Council of American Negros, your council, is found at http://since1865.blogspot.com/ . Prepare yourself for endless enjoyment.

One of the functions of your council is to take out folk who don't know how to act. Left of the blog roll, you'll find a list of "the fallen" which includes some of our favorite personalities to gab about (Kwame Kilpatric, Debra Lee, Wesley Snipes, Sherri-the-black-idiot-on-the-view, Bobby Brown, the NAACP...)

In addition to getting reports from it's spies and operatives; your council hosts regular meetings where y'all get together to combat major-league bullshit. The HNIC's identity is a secret, but the rest of the attendees will be familiar to you. One of my favorites is a September transcript of a board meeting called "the race card" where Mitt Romney and Al Sharpton are brought in with burlap sacks over their heads. Michelle Barnard is disgusted SCAN's even contemplating using the race card to help Obama. She describes it as the "Nuclear Option" and is totally over it. Mitt coquetishly asks what they're talking about, Al Shartpton elbows him and hillarity ensues (Al's application to your council keeps getting "lost," so he's trying to be well behaved... tee hee; just read it)

There's also the "Palin issue" which you deal with pretty actively and bring in the big guns. Zahara Jolie-Pitt is your youngest badass spy installed into the Jolie-Pitt household to wreak havok on the mainstream entertainment industry on behalf of the cause... Ooh ooh ooh.. Another great dialogue: the briefing Condaleeza Rice gives Barack Obama. sigh...

If the idea of a real-life organization of this magnitude wasn't so appealing, I would find it ridiculous, but these guys hit so many truthful notes, the shit just cracks me up. Seriously. I hope you enjoy it:

Good health to your people over the holidays, If given the opportunity I suggest ya slap a kiss right on your father's mouth :-) Scrub

I'll Pass

When men speak of love... I'll pass
When they assert power is an aphrodisiac, I'll pass
When people speak of intellect. I'll pass.

What I love is the way my hair falls across my eyes.
What I love is the softness of my own skin.
I love the phrase "navel gazer;" that's what I am

I understand it's not enough to live. But it's what I have right now.

It's what gets me through the drunken mornings and the drunken days.

It's what I have.

My Aggressive Side

Sometimes I appear to give up, give in, give over and just say "Come get me." It's always when I'm backed in a corner, and it's always when I'm at my best.

"Come get me." Whether it was on cross-ex in a fake trial, or a confrontation with someone I love, whatever. You got a problem with me? "Come get me."

The one thing I can say about me: the guy/girl never ever won. I never ever won either, but dammit, they never did.

Come get me.

really smart dumb person

I went to law school, but didn't really study law.
I went to Art school, but didn't really study Art.
I went to university but didn't learn anything other than love.
So I'm a really really smart dumb person.

And it's not just school. I was a great bartender that never knew any drink recipes.
I'm a Guynese-Canadian who knows relatively little about Canada or Guyana
I was president of the Caribbean law association who knows nothing about Caribe-Love culture
I'm a sexy woman that knows little about intercourse.

I'm the girl who rocked the SAT and LSAT without trying... what's to try if you don't know what it is?

I know, I know, people would love to be her. I am her. But what does it mean?

sigh.

The Papers finally made mainstream media

Man oh man, I bet you have great thoughts on this. Happy hump day.

Ok. If you had known me through the legal study years of my life, I'm sure back in the day you would have indulged me to one of my rampant discussions of the Torture Papers. Which I found not only academically instructional, but holy-shit-fascinating. I was uber-brand new to the legal game, and never seen raw documents before, so I figured, "with so many smart people around me, the Papers were beyond me too." It was clear as day the shit was illegal... but there had to be some bona-fide reason they are getting away with it. Cuz Americans were TORTURING PEOPLE and y'all just don't do that.

At any rate, years later, the subject is coming up mainstream again in the wane days of your President. Question: Is anyone new going to jail for this, and is it possible the practice is gonna stop?

I'll take the damn bar and a law gig just to help out if it is.

Sigh

good one

"It's impossible not to fall a little bit in love with you"