So what should i eat today

Focusing on being purposeful in my eating.

Just for today.

I'm on my way to work and I need to stop and grab breakfast, and lunch.

Chicken.
Salad.
Diet Coke
Fruit.

Clean eating is the answer

It means no great sandwich from the Guatemalan.

They are to expensive anyway.

But enough about that. It's besides the point anyway.

It's planning my lunch.
Salad, diet Coke, chicken. Fruit maybe.

That's expensive too.

But again besides the point.

Making good choices. Just for today.
Forgetting about yesterday tomorrow or even tonight.

God bless me, with the whatever I need to finally get a handle on putting crap in my mouth and body that I really don't need.

Give me the maturity to honor and feed my body the good stuff. Your Temple deserves it.

Keep me mindful that this is the only body I get. This is the only day I have it and this is the only chance I have to be grateful for health you've kept me.

Help me do my part. Do the right thing. And stay mindful.

Knowing that I'm tempted to way crap.

Let me spend energy on figuring out why my working it's weird when it comes to eating. Instead of simply succumbing to the fleeting feeling of shoving crap in there.

Day two

“The things that you have to strip away from him to make him an effective leader to a broad part of the public are so elemental to who he is that if you were to strip them away, he’d no longer be Donald Trump.”

True.

Not just about that fucking Guy.

Most people.

The African too.

And your darling Scrub...

I'm learning. What acceptance it's really about

It's not an not igoring someone's different point of view.

Or glossing over it, pretending it doesn't exist. It's about really finding away to understand it as much as you can and really let it sink in

That is my next journey.

The African it's judgemental.

I've interacted with this defect of character in a number of ways.

Seeing it and tolerating

Ignoring

Seeing the exact flaw in myself as away of diffusing the negative reaction I was having

Ignoring

And rebelling again it. By having my view front and center so that they have to be interacted with even though he would judge me.

I know I know! What did I think? He was going to learn a lesson and change?

SMH.

Maybe I have to pray to actually accept these things, so they don't fuck with my relationship.

God grant me to the serenity.
But being judged harshly and unfairly hurts.

How do you deal with that?

I like to separate myself from the hurt.
But eventually I think I'm goaling the idea of being above it.

I think I usually am.

What other people think of me is not really any of my business.

But isn't what the African thinks of me my business. I would like to be loved and me appreciated.

I don't feel very loved and appreciated.

I think he feels he's doing me a favor.

I was resentful once when he said

Him: Omg. I've seen you grow so much.

Him: Because you used to speak to so and so at the in the morning and now you realize how wrong that is.

Me: you're wrong.
Me: there's nothing wrong with speaking on the telephone at 3 in the morning.
Me: it's not worth fighting with you about it.

It's not growth. It's navigating your circumstances.

My sponsor asked me

How I was doing today

My answer was rambling.

Humility. Is something I'm going to work on.

At work. In my relationship. I'm my attitude.

Of course, she said. There's a fine line between humility and humiliation.

Which there might be. But I'm not living there. I'm not in a place where I'm feeling humiliated.

But instead of having a resentment against people. I'm going to work towards humility in my acts and attitude.

I'm going to be helpful. Kind. Smart. Quick and nice to be around.

At some point you can't correct people. You have to let them have their faults.

And do Scrub to the best of her ability.

So apparently I'm needy

And need too much external validation.

That's bullshit
I don't. So go ahead and teach me a lesson.

I'm going to self validate tonight.

I hope you're happy.

That's my rant.

Eh. I'm tired.

Small ergo home

I swear....

I'm looking to in my late days, find a tropical place and having one of these!

https://www.facebook.com/ken.tolber.9/posts/1783439775034538

So cute. But no one would live there with me

The question of the day

Are you surprised you survived this long?

What a probing question. I shouldn't be alive.

I never thought it would end. But I've put myself in danger, I've been reckless with me. My children, my love, my body, my life.

I've had other people save my life in hospitals. It must have looked like they cared about me more than I did. In that moment they really did. I didn't want to die. But I had no desire to live.

I wanted to survive. But I had no motivation to put effort into changing my life. What would a changed life look like?

What would it be?

The things that normal people did still interest me little. I'd love to have a "different plane" kinda gig.

Be in the world, but not if it. Like the details of life don't need to be considered... Why? When there are so many more interesting things to think about? Live about?

Why love like the normal human. Why have the normal needs.

My soul should feed on other stuff.

Better stuff.

No clue where to go and get it.

But that's a scrub life?

Courage

A wise woman told me today

“success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Winston Churchill

I'm the happiest human

Scrub junior and scrub juniorette came to the city to visit.