There is no suicide on the Horizon

 I spent a few weeks contemplating completing the end of my life.

Not possible at this time. 

There are too many people who would be hurt. I'm not prepared to do that. 

So since it's not realistic, i've given up on the suicide fantasy.

I am done with this life. That hasn't changed. But there are 50 years yet to live, i'm determing what to do with them.

Its  a waste to continue with this quasi- death... sleeping all the time.

It's not that life is bad. it actually is wonderful.  and i have a very blessed life.

The remaining half of my life will be spent in service. and activism and righting wrongs in the world with my privileges'.

the first thing is diet and exercise. i will get back in shape. ill be more effective that way.

the next is to be of service to my family.

then, i'll go back to law school

i'll become a citizen, because i can.

and then i will improve my grant writing skills. 

and make a difference in thankless activist tasks.