A real break

So Monday. I fought with the African.

We have to take a real break.

A real one.

But I still invited him over.
It's been mentioned that I'm really bad at being broken up with him...

We're stepping back for a good reason

But I feel threatened. I think some lady is going to distract him.

And I know exactly how it's going to go.

Him: I'm tall and gorgeous and sophisticated.
Her: and I'll be asycophant, because you are so exotic. And it's sexy.
Him: listen to my slow, rythmic voice, it's deep and French. But I'm humble and low key. A broke snob. An alpha male.

Him: and I have opinions.
Her: ooh I don't. All I have is a vagina. But I like to listen to slow rythmic sentences.

Him: that reminds me of this time in Morocco...
Her: oh. Let me drop my panties.

Him: I like the attention. Why isn't Scrub like this?

Thought about end in my relationship

But then I chickened out.

I'm angry.

I also understand I'm loved.

I'm unimpressed by the ego, gendered way I'm loved.

I see so many lonely women.

I appreciate the little things, like attention. A gentle manner. Handsome, six foot three.

There are big things too. Fidelity, forgiveness, attraction, having someone who wants to be mine.

There are the things in making big. A need to be heard. The patience of listening on end to how much he enjoys the hear himself talk.

I'm many a  conversation. It doesn't have to me me on the listening end.

He had no desire to understand me.

Is that okay?

Is it required that someone want to know you?

I'm angry. I'm lonely. I don't like being rejected. I hate being dismissed.