Word Weaving Scrub

I'm going to become one.

First a bad one

Then a prolific one

I'll turn into a learned one

Then I'll be one for hire.

Yay! I'm starting a business...

I've had this fantasy about learnng how to sing.

your darling scrub cannot carry a tune.


Ok, now that I've got this great PC. No excuse not to.


Exceot I said that about running and running shoes... Oh well.


It has to start somewhere.

Happy MLK day

I celebrated by LOVING Congressman Lewis today. And working in a neighborhood full of my Jewish brethren. (I sang kuum by ya, inside.) 😋 Did you do anything?

An elder in the

Draft of my message to Ruth on her birthday

Happy Birthday friend. I feel like giving your dad flowers for being horny Mid-May a few years back. He did a great thing, Good job, man! And I'm so damn grateful to have you in my life, I'm tearing up. You are a dear friend and literally have been the message of light and love itself during one of my darkest times. The breathe of your friendship is impressive. It spans from the just-so-perfect-I've-clearly-been-raised-by-an-american-nuclear-family gesture, to the borderline-inappropriate-crack-ups-in-or-away-from-mixed-company.  It's a blessing to have someone who can get down and wrestle with the big ideas AND jokes when your darling Nicole still gets lost on the train!

I love you. Have a great day.

Lost again?

The has to be an intuitive way to know if you're on the right train...

How long do I have to live here to get that?

Just, you know. Helps in the friggin biggest city in the world...

I'm just saying. I hope I'm going in the right direction...

You know, so I can start employed... And all that.

Thanks God

I'm feeling.

Seriously.

Good.

Is there punctuation for a sentiment of bewelderment? Mixed with sincerity and a touch of awe?

Your scrub needs that symbol.

I feel a tiny bit insane.

Connected, maybe?

Entering day 3... Food

So, I've turned a corner on the Scrub relationship with God thing. Turning into a relationship with God through food thing and considering the deeper connections.

I woke up early this morning. I was hungry.

I think.

I haven't been letting myself get hungry, so I'm trying to feel it.

It's not bad.
I did feel a little but of dizzy. Not like I'm going to pass out. I mean I are some food less than ten hours ago...

Trying to be prayerful. Appreciative. Connected. My goal is to have to relationship with God reflect my respect, gratitude.

I'm grateful for this body. I want it to be optimal.

Truth is, I'd like to be healthy strong good looking. Sexy.

Kinda feeling weird about that part. I'm pretty sure there were times in my life I was running from the sexy. But I also have a neediness for attention from men...

Respect is important. Respect for me, my body, God, my boyfriend, women, the people who make their living sharing good food and preparing it. It's a form of love.

Like I should have provided for ScrubJunior and ScrubJuniorette.

At any rate. Yesterday was progress. Today is an opportunity to improve my conscious contact with everything!

God. Let this be a day that reflects your light. Walk with me and hold me through my challenges and difficulties

I'm seeing that being around people will be hard to make the right choices. But it's ultimately about doing this right thing. So I need to plan now. What I'm going to eat.

Drank first bottle of water.
Walking to group. Can stop and by an apple. Better make it two

Coffee at group. More water.

Erik be tempted to buy something crappy along my travels.

Made decision to go to grocery. Apple apple, peach? Celery.

Leaving early to do that.

Yay. My morning will kick off my day with some strategy to do the right thing...

Lot help me be victorious!!

The real Scrub

She can put a sentence together

She has a nice voice when she's relaxed

She's a flirt who needs attention

She should speak more French. It makes her feel good.

She gives people compliments

There's a power greater than myself...

That can relieve me of my compulsion. That one is God.

I've found my higher power.

Since my compulsion is deeper than I realized, I need to focus. Keep it up front. Arm myself with tools to fight the dopamine conditioning I have already damaged myself with.

The triggers are instant. And the prospect of food, the anticipation is releases more feel good than actually eating.

The conversation that I have to prepare is real. I talk about consequences, the conniving nature of this, I talk about the positive parts of making the right choices. I talk about pregnancy. I just have to do the right thing

Food continued...

So I considered the food for a while. Considered it. Shared it with a few people.

Looked up some things online.

As an addictive construct. Compulsive overeating can be looked through those same lenses: codependency, self worth, physical, mental. Neutral. Triggers... Ah the triggers....

I'm focusing on spiritual. I am powerless over food, it had made my life unmanageable

I'm driven by it, and it is so compelling. My body reacts to I prospect of food. I'm distorted in my motivation. It drives much of my activity. I see the negative effects in a real way. My body does not even feel normal anymore. I cannot groom myself. I won't take pictures. I won't look in the mirror. I'm in denial about how bad it is.

There is a power greater than myself that can relieve me of my compulsion.

Bad relationship with food

In addition to being kinda crazy, maybe bipolar, surely an alcoholic, detached from my emotions, have issues with self worth, lazy, manipulative, etc.

I am a chronic overeater.

Gain 60 pounds (at least.) Am at least 70 over my goal weight. Sendentary. Out of shape.

Obese really.
Not to mention ill built.

I have been Bingy for reasons unknown, emotional, uncontrollable and ever present. I'm blacking out once the food touches my lips, I'm barely chewing. I come to right after I swallow.

I'm taking second servings, third, and fourth.

Constantly eating. Not waiting ten minutes for food to be prepared

When preparing food, if it takes more than five minutes. Not going to be done.

I prayed today at church. To start the year with good on my side to realign my relationship with my body God food and my Brain.