I like my boyfriend.
Here's the thing.... i'm overwhelmed.... i need to make choices i can, well shouldn't make. i'm scared and feeling a bit silly at over-emoting over EVERYTHING.
I'm getting over the silliness that was the friggin African. I'm getting used to the idea of SOBRIETY. Albeit reluctantly :-)
i want to grow and learn, but there is something holding me back from that.... i think.
i'm not even sure.
Serenity is the word that comes to mind all the time, prolly cuz those great people at PP brainwashed my ass for a month...
i am reluctant ofthe idea of adopting the sober religion...
my great boyfriend suggested i should pray.
how do you do that? when your thoughts are jumbled and everyone is looking?
big question. no simple answer... but one that is slapping me so hard that i have to sit up and take the beating. Have to sit up and look at the things I don't want to. Have to be fair to the people I care about so much....
How do you love the way you yearn to. and still be true to yourself. How do you be?
is it ever the way you want it to be. When you KNOW it's inside, and know that it's going to turn out the way it should, but want to shape it, want to build it, KNOW you have it all to do it, but get paralyzed by stomach-aches and head-aches and spirit-aches about it all.
how do you do what the Serentity prayer demands. have it.. all, The wisdom, the silence, the courage... the discernment.. How do you do that?
And still be ME.
How do you do that. when you owe so much to so many people.
is there a way to figure it out, is there a painless way, "a softer, easier, way?"
Of course not. what do you do to navigate this... and be able to deliver what the people you love deserve?
Of course there is an answer, I just haven't thought of it yet.
I'm getting there though.
i'll get back to myself on that.
It's simply a question of quantity, quality and time... right..
everthing is relative, everything is love, and NONE of it is relative, NONE of it is about love.
NAVIGATE the best you can and apologize for everything afterwards....
THAT'S SO NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
