I'm HUGE

 So i'm sooooooo Fat.

At my heaviest 247 was 7 pounds ago. When i started therapy.

So one of the ways I want to get better is to loose a bunch of weight.

I fantasize about the easiest way to do it. Develop a eating disorder.

I don't like Bulimia, i threw up everyday i was drinking.. enough og that for a lifetime.

I like Anerexia. Food making me feel disgusted. and  getting off on not eating.

How to do i do that?  I honestly would love that. Unfortunately i've learned that's linked to control issues. and of all my crazy. Not a control freak.

So that beautifully elegant answer will probably elude me.

I think i'll become more social thin. i don't like living up to the heavy black woman stereotype. It's so cliche and I'm not cliche

So my weight is probably tied to my lack of self worth.

If I love myself I would take care of my body, or at least be motivated to take care of my body.

I  have lost twenty pounds before. My bff set me on a diet. 

I'm actually pretty confident i can actually lose the weight. if I drink the requisite amount of water and vinegar. drink my coffee black. no grains after 2pm and eat Kale eveyday; I should be able to lose a pound a day.

I've done it before. 

It's a behavior that will reflect self care. Just like this blog and going to therapy and going to work every day and reading books and creating more work and writing.