Saturday Jan 17th Reflection

 January 17 - "Sooner or later we have to get into action by coming to meetings regularly, by giving a personal witness of our experience with alcohol, and by trying to help other alcoholics....Am I spending at least as much time and effort on the new life that I’m trying to build in AA?

These readings really take me to task. I'm not spending energy on anything. That's not the way to progress, I know. But I also know that I'm exhausted. The goal right now is to go work every day. I have not been to more than 2 meetings a week since summer. I was on treatment for 5 months going to group every day and going to therapy. It felt overwhelming even when I wasn't working. And since I've been at my job I've taken "mental health days" and sick days more than is acceptable. Part of me thinks that I'm acting at my capacity. But I know I can stretch. Doing this daily reflection has been a stretch. But if I want sobriety I have to do more. More showing up to the office, continually eating better and trying to get sleep every night is needed. It feels beyond my capacity. I will pray for God to do for me what I don't have the battery to do for myself. Can I commit to more meetings. I should. I should also call my family check on my friends get my medical follow ups and go to the dentist. I must also clean my bathroom everyday and take my medication. It feels like a lot but I have big goals. I want to lead a life of service and I want to go back to school and I want to try to do things that are fun in NYC. I'm going to add more meetings to my long list and move it ahead of what? Exercise? Calling my monsters. The truth is the answer is probably yes. Without sobriety I won't have ANYTHING. So rearranging priorities is in order. My prayer this week. I will go to a meeting Sunday. Face the reality that those other things have to wait until I have meetings as a part of my daily life? A meeting every day. Does it have to be done? Here is where I'll talk to my sponsor after her vacation. She knows me. I can rely on her intelligence on the matter. My prayer today. Thank God for placing a sponsor in my life to help navigate these challenges. And thank God for the challenges. They will serve to make me better.