February 5th reflection

FEBRUARY 5 

A GLORIOUS RELEASE 

"The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, 

but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A. 's program as enthusiastically as I could." 

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, 

Me- I love. to. fight. I'll never progress if I keep fighting though. The words of the twelve nd twelve are so true. Stop arguing. Stop fighting. Obey. So hard for me but I understand that it's all ego. I'm not proud of my ego. I don't know I feel like I have to hold onto it. It make me feel important. I am scared of being completely ignored. Misguided. I'm learning and I'm asking God to remove my shortcomings. And doing my part by acting as if. I know God can heal me. 

February 4th reflection

FEBRUARY 4 

WHEN FAITH IS MISSING 

Sometimes A.A. comes harder to those who have lost or rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all, 

for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting. They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith. 

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28

Me-The wonderful thing about meetings is that you hear people put words to what I'm feeling. I wouldn't have said I've had crisis of faith. But through others I learned I that what I was feeling at times. I also saw examples of what people did to help. Prayer, gratitude seem to be the constant threads in their successful journey back to faith. I pray now not only to show reverence for the Rockstar's blessings but to grow my faith. It's very hard to trust you'll stay sober in God's hand without it. 

February 3rd reflection

FEBRUARY 3 

FILLING THE VOID 

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a 

Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. 

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 4

Me- the key for me at the beginning was the wonderful wonderful option to be WILLING to believe. That was my mountain. I've come a long way from that space. Now I choose to believe the Rockstar not only is bigger than me. He made me and she cares about my well being. I even open share how much the Rockstar's changed everything by changing me. I'm a work in progress. Thank God for God. 

February 2 reflection

FEBRUARY 2 

RESCUED BY SURRENDERING 

Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of 

omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position. 

A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311 

The great mystery is: "Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, 

while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued.

Me- all I can say is okay! I don't know why so many of us die. I'm not deserving of this umpteenth chance at life. I can accept the author saying it was because she surrendered at the same time God moved in her. I believe her. I know God did ALL the work in my case. It feels like I surrender repeatedly it true. But I also know I'm self centered, an ago maniac and manipulative. I think sometimes I pretended to surrender. God helped me anyway. The real surrender was with God's help. I'm sick. When I'm obedient it's with God's help. When I'm steadfast it's with my sponsors help. When I move out of my comfort zone it's with her help as well. I'm not strong. I'm trying to surrender. Sometimes I don't even know if I know how. But God has kept me sober until this morning. I'm grateful today. I'll try again. But I know sobriety is not a combination of skills I get correctly. I know God's hand is doing the heavy lifting. My prayer today: God keep me make the next right move repeatedly today. If you are with me , I'll go to bed tonight sober.

feb 1 reflection

FEBRUARY 1 

GOAL: SANITY 

". . . Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I 

came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now." 

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27 

"Came to believe!" I gave lip service to my belief when I felt like it or when I thought it would look good. 

Me: step two came to me gradually as well. It's in the quiet moments when you surrender the idea that I can fix things by sheer force of my personality or looks or charm or intelligence. I now know I can't. Because I'm actually small. Something else can though. It's hard to surrender. But I have to back to step one. Then step two becomes a possibility. Life will work if I'm not the thing with power.

January 31st reflection

JANUARY 31 

OUR COMMON WELFARE COMES FIRST 

The unity of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cherished quality our Society has . . . We stay whole, or A. A. dies 

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 129 

Our Traditions are key elements in the ego deflation process necessary to achieve and maintain sobriety in 

Alcoholics Anonymous. 

Me- on some many levels I have to get out of my own way. My sponsor reminded me that the key to freedom was the bondage of self. When I need credit for things or admiration from AA. That's the danger. That's an ego trip. Putting the group before me, is another exercise in remembering I am not God. The group is a power greater than me. The Rockstar is not me. My prayer today: Rockstar help me mindful and useful to my home group this morning. 

January 30 reflection

JANUARY 30 

FREEDOM FROM . . . FREEDOM TO 

We are going to know a new freedom. . . . 

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 

Freedom for me is both freedom from and freedom to. The first freedom I enjoy is freedom from the slavery of alcohol. What a relief! Then I begin to experience freedom from fear—fear of people, of economic insecurity, of commitment, of failure, of rejection. Then I begin to enjoy freedom to—freedom to choose sobriety for today, freedom to be myself, freedom to express my opinion, to experience 

peace of mind, to love and be loved, and freedom to grow spiritually. But how can I achieve these freedoms? The Big Book clearly says that before I am halfway through making amends, I will begin to know a "new" freedom; not the old 

freedom of doing what I pleased, without regard to others, but the new freedom that allows fulfillment of the promises 

in my life. What a joy to be free!

Me- what a joy indeed. Of peace joy and freedom. Freedom is the concept I DO have a small understanding. But I shall know more. I have an incredibly free life. Freedom from withdrawal is the biggest freedom I'm grateful for. Now that I'm taking my time in the morning, I take a beat to marvel at how different my daily beginnings are, no hangover, no vomit, no head pounding, no feening for a drink. It was awful and the only cure for morning condition was vodka. 

The other freedoms the author listed I can identify with if I take a moment, be present and think.y prayer today: thank you Rockstar for my life and the freedom you provide me. Help me recognize my blessings and the grace with which you generously give them to me every minute hour and day.