I'm in love with a poet

With a cheating sweet truck driving friggin poet

Unsent messages because I have nooooo chill 

3/26 4pm:I wanna bug you. But I know you've been working. I hope you are enjoying the weather.

April 4th reflection.

 We see our fellows model unselfishness and we see how to do it ourselves. Question: Am I now depending less on myself and more on god?   Meditation is on getting to know yourself so that i can help others.  

Friday April 3rd reflection

 drinking, we were absolutely selfish. Question: Can I now look beyond my own selfishness?   Loaded loaded loaded. selfishness is my biggest problems.

meditate on: the first quality of greatness is service. A life of a service is the finest life we can live.  Service is the beginning and the end of what is valid about our new lives.

Thursday April 2nd reflection

 Next family and friends, have you been better with them? More loving? Do i really care about other people?"  authentically it's the true acid test. If we are unselfish things will orient themselves properly. Meditation teases out the idea, that we can be a force for good.  once we are changed by gods grace, we can be then be ultimately used for his purpose. 

In time you even throw this garment away and exchange it for a even more divine one.

Wednesday April 1st reflection

 more on our foundation and becoming more honest? Have i admitted to the extent that i cannot and god can and i should let him?  It's a foundation that requires humility.  Humility is one of my biggest struggles. I' m arrogant.

 The question is deep, "Am I beginning to find out what it means to be alive and to face the world honestly and without fear?" 

They say fear and faith can't exist in the same. and humanly nothing good happens without god. Something to work out in meditation.

March 31st reflection

 Since I've been in AA have I made a start toward being more unselfish? Yes. because this hits to the core of my disease. our meditation focuses on daily small practice. God sees our progress, even if we don't see it in ourselves. trust that God will  see things fairly. God judges your heart. it's something to stay focused on.

march 30th reflection

 Before AA we we unloving. Question: Have I gotten over loving nobody but myself? That is a big one. Honestly self centeredness is still a problem. I still suffer from my disease. ism I, self and me.  it's the core of my sickness. there is always something I want to say; someway I need to be heard; my opinions are so important. Obviously that is so untrue. and the weirdest thing is how i hold on to the delusion.   Meditation: be calm, be true, be quiet. Another good few minutes of quiet reflection. 

Sunday march 29th reflection

 reflection question: Am I know really honest?  So much more than before. Meditation: I must live in the world and yet live apart from God. I can go forth from my secret times of commune with god to the work of the world. And for me it works. I'm more powerful, because i have handed my load over. Nothing in the world should seriously upset me, as long as my inner life is lived with God. All successful living arises from this inner life. 

Saturday march 28th reflection

 happy Saturday. I'm traveling today. I reminds me that I'm building a new life from scratch. Where we are no longer active like spoiled children. Question: Am i still all "get and no "give"?

Not anymore, I'm decidedly more mature. I'm definitely more thoughtful. patient. I would like to think I'm a giver now. but that's not true.  I'm still selfish by default. God help me.

Friday March 27th refelction

 "you get the power to overcome drinking through te fellowship of other alcoholics who have found a way out" this idea is so anti-intuitive. Common thinking says you should be around non-alcoholics. but the best ones to help us is US.  not by magic, just with our own experiences. this disease has so many common threads that prospects always here their story in our story.  Question: Am I ready and willing to accept this power and work for it? YES.  The journey is the story. it's a story of work one day at a time

Meditation: God's love is the greatest power in the universe. Ohm.......

March 26th reflection

 How do we get strong? we get strong by helping others. Question: Am I receiving strength from working with others. YES.  This universal truth makes me so proud of the rockstar.  In general this works with all humans.  Service makes you feel better. helping others is a great way to make ourselves better.  It works, it works, it works.

on the meditation tip- Faith is the bridge between you and God. I need to meditate on that a bit.  Sounds like there are many layers to that idea.  

March 25th Reflection.

 Strength comes from coming to believe in a higher power that can help us. We can't define it, but you can see how it helps other alcoholics. Question: Am i receiving strength from my faith in a higher power?  I don't always feel strong. but that is not necessarily a bad thing. I am feeling softer, more capable, smarter. sleeker. better. and i definitely have better integrity. 

Tuesday March 24 reflection

Todays reading starts with, "Strength comes from honestly telling your own experiences with drinking."  Question: Am I receiving strength from my personal witnessing? Yes.  I am often asked to share my story. Each time I wonder if i have anything to show these peers. Who are more sober than I. But  i remember that we all identify together.  So so long as my motives are good, he'll work his magic in the room.

Todays' meditation says we cannot fully understand the  universe. Most of our lives must taken on faith. 

Monday March 23th reflection

Good morning. Mondays are the day the Rockstar made. Question: Am i receiving strength from the fellowship with other AA members?  Yes. I found so much identification and fellowship over the weekend up state. Today's meditation says God is with us to bless us and help us. Prayers need to be consistent. pray often, until your hearts sing with it. Todays reading, says prayer is the way to a victorious life.

Sunday March 22nd reflection

 Today, we are all looking for the power to overcome drinking. it's too big for us alone. Question: have I found. all the strength i need? Yes. The Rockstar has it. and I'm grateful.  Todays meditation: There is no spiritual need cannot supply. You keep it by giving it away. God gives you strength as you  pass it on to another person. And so it goes on, the constant supply of spirit.

March 21st reflection

 Todays' writing opines in AA we forget about the future. We know from experience that as time goes on, the future takes care of itself. The question: Do I know that this day is still all I have and that with God's help I can stay sober today? Yes. 

Meditation of the day says that all is fundamentally well, so we should wear it like a lose garment. Can I loosen up enough not to get concerned about the small irregularities? yes.  It takes a minute. but i like the idea.

March 20th reflection

 When we were drinking we used to worry about the future. Worry is a terrible mental punishment. Question: Have I stopped worrying about the future? Yes. I was never a worrywart. I always have enough current crisis to deal with.  but program has encouraged me to focus less on the future.

Today's meditation. Functioning on a material plane takes us away from god.  We have to try spiritually to connect with god.  

March 19th reflection

 The writer says, "when we were drinking, used to be ashamed of the past" Question: Do i believe that God has forgiven me for everything I've  done in the past, no matter how horrible?"  Yes. Time is an easy thing for God. since it's flexible. I'm finding it so hard to forgive myself at times. but the Rockstar definitely forgives. 

In the meditation for the day- we are transparent to god. i want to be harmony with the divine spirit. 

March 10th reflection

More on faith from the writer to strengthen we share our experience with other alcoholics. The message they hear, and the changes they subsequently make are to God's credit. We reflect on that in quiet times. Her question: do I ask God in these quiet time for the strength to stay sober? Yes. I use my relaxing commute to do this quiet reflection. Of I don't feel focused , I read the big book. But quiet reflection on the train is my ritual. 

March 9th reflection

The writer opines that if we had absolute faith we'd have given our drink problem over and just move on , even drinking occasionally. But human faith isn't absolute so we have the fellowship as one way to strengthen it. Her question: is my faith being strengthened by others testimony? Yes. At first I relied entirely on the faith of others. It was their honesty that gave me optimism. Slowly I have my own testimony. It has done wonders for my faith.

March 11th reflection

More on quiet reflection. Today's question: have I turned my drinking over to God without reservation? Yes. The Rockstar is the only one up to the task. The problem is not humanly solvable. It requires divinity. Yes. 

March 11th reflection

March 13th reflection

More on us the prodigal daughters. We've shed our old drinking selves and have a new sober foundation. Question: Am I alive again? Yes. The feelings are coming back. They avalanche over us. Life is gonna life. I am grateful 

March 12th reflection

Today the writer analogized the prodigal son with AA ers. We've used up and portion of reckless living while we were active. But now we become our true selves. The question: have I come to myself? Not yet. I'm still struggling with choices that require no struggle. I still entertain the thought that of a drink. Which is insane. I am neither humble or grateful enough. I'm trying, but I'm a work in progress. 

March 14th reflection

March 15th reflection

March 16th reflection

March 3 reflection

More on God bearing the burden of our problems. The question: am I good nh to keep my bargain with God? Again. The idea or bartering gives me pause. I have no leverage in any situation with the Rockstar. Instead Im just going to worship and be grateful for another 24. May more be revealed to me on bargaining with a supreme being... I don't see how that's a reality right now.