So there's an eighth step.

I'm supposed to make a list of everyone I've harmed...

So I have a list on my phone.

But here's the thing. There's also a ninth step. And in that I'm supposed to make amens in person, to those I have harmed, except when to do so would hurt myself or others...

I went to a meeting, friend asked me to share.

Don't have alot since i'm still on the step. but the conversation with the top two people on my ammends list Junior and Juniorette make me full of anxiety.

It's time I started again. but I'm still shedding

It's time I started again. to create a life. to...

I'm starting over, but not from scratch. I'm still shedding though. I think there is a Before and after eventually. I'll be able to tell the story of before and after. I will be able to tell the story of this funny uber talented obnoxious immature know-it-all, fearful but careless, sensitive and self centered. nervous, disconnected, abused, abusive

Who is the after? Bold, caring, sensitive, generous, loving, beautiful, observant, smart enough, brilliant, creative, Ok with the roles I play,

OOOH! and this after girl has a process, AA and a higher power who loves her and and has a relationship with her!!!

A real relationship.

Stay tuned, because AfterScrub, likes to write.

only price of admission, laugh at my bad jokes.

Had to read my own writing, to remember.

I just read Sabotaging a new relationship.

I don't remember the post but I was brought back to the time, feeling place.

I think I'm here again, My CurrentScrubMan. delicious African with an amazing-- well, everything.

Things are rubbing themsleves raw, between us. I think he thinks its my fault, prolly is?

I don't know. but there are ways that upset him. I can be annoying. He's annoying me. He can be annoying.

I want to be good with him. I want to be good to him, he wants to be good to me I know it.

I really hope i don't fuck this up.

MEGO

My Eyes Glaze Over Me

You americans and diversity...

Celebrate it, protest it, cry about it, deny it,

Even your points of view on diversity are Diverse.

But I think a good pause is warranted,  a Scrub Suggestion:

Everyone needs a role model. Perhaps the U.S. forgets that. Because Americans think they are the biggest Baddest of everything, the envy of the world, the standard to which everyone else strives....

OK maybe that last one was a little too far.

But right up North there is a role model for the U.S. I' biases but Canada is many way is the picture of that beautiful joy giving gestalt thing that should. be the gift that is diversity, right?

See for yourself

The Canadian athletes take pictures during the athletes’ parade at the opening ceremony, Aug 5, 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 

Photo by Stoyan Nenov/Reuters

 

I'm Going to Return to the Darling-Scrub-with-an-Optimistic-Point-of-View

Stop rolling your eyes.

Yes the DSWAOPOV is always joyously obsessed with the Olympics (of any variety)

This Daring scrub was waiting to see how many more bugs were going to bit, how many more athletes were going to boycott, how many nations were gonna get busted for doping. How many international incidents were going to occur surrounding race, culture, corruption.

Wondering how various news media would conflate! There are so many ways to paint the optics...  politics, lack of infrastucture, neglect of the masses, poverty, bugs, viruses and poop-filled water, assination plots, terrorist threats, foreigners interacting without borders for a few days... and of course the worlds opinion of Americans because they are damn close to choosing Trump.

Then lets point to a narrative that features Brazil, America.. oh my god.

Imagine the puns, the double entendre, etc. The politicos should have a word orgasm!



Then I cried,

For two reasons... (1) Got bitch slapped for being such a cynic. (2) choked-up because of Simone Giles and the rest of the Olympians.

Then I sat here;
-Obsessed about the superficiality, selfishness, and laziness that sometimes invades.
-Felt inspired to be a better Scrub.

( I figure it's gotta start with optimism.)