February 5th reflection

FEBRUARY 5 

A GLORIOUS RELEASE 

"The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, 

but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A. 's program as enthusiastically as I could." 

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, 

Me- I love. to. fight. I'll never progress if I keep fighting though. The words of the twelve nd twelve are so true. Stop arguing. Stop fighting. Obey. So hard for me but I understand that it's all ego. I'm not proud of my ego. I don't know I feel like I have to hold onto it. It make me feel important. I am scared of being completely ignored. Misguided. I'm learning and I'm asking God to remove my shortcomings. And doing my part by acting as if. I know God can heal me. 

February 4th reflection

FEBRUARY 4 

WHEN FAITH IS MISSING 

Sometimes A.A. comes harder to those who have lost or rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all, 

for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting. They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith. 

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28

Me-The wonderful thing about meetings is that you hear people put words to what I'm feeling. I wouldn't have said I've had crisis of faith. But through others I learned I that what I was feeling at times. I also saw examples of what people did to help. Prayer, gratitude seem to be the constant threads in their successful journey back to faith. I pray now not only to show reverence for the Rockstar's blessings but to grow my faith. It's very hard to trust you'll stay sober in God's hand without it. 

February 3rd reflection

FEBRUARY 3 

FILLING THE VOID 

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a 

Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. 

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 4

Me- the key for me at the beginning was the wonderful wonderful option to be WILLING to believe. That was my mountain. I've come a long way from that space. Now I choose to believe the Rockstar not only is bigger than me. He made me and she cares about my well being. I even open share how much the Rockstar's changed everything by changing me. I'm a work in progress. Thank God for God. 

February 2 reflection

FEBRUARY 2 

RESCUED BY SURRENDERING 

Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of 

omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position. 

A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311 

The great mystery is: "Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, 

while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued.

Me- all I can say is okay! I don't know why so many of us die. I'm not deserving of this umpteenth chance at life. I can accept the author saying it was because she surrendered at the same time God moved in her. I believe her. I know God did ALL the work in my case. It feels like I surrender repeatedly it true. But I also know I'm self centered, an ago maniac and manipulative. I think sometimes I pretended to surrender. God helped me anyway. The real surrender was with God's help. I'm sick. When I'm obedient it's with God's help. When I'm steadfast it's with my sponsors help. When I move out of my comfort zone it's with her help as well. I'm not strong. I'm trying to surrender. Sometimes I don't even know if I know how. But God has kept me sober until this morning. I'm grateful today. I'll try again. But I know sobriety is not a combination of skills I get correctly. I know God's hand is doing the heavy lifting. My prayer today: God keep me make the next right move repeatedly today. If you are with me , I'll go to bed tonight sober.