feb 28 reflection

The writer refers to the dilemma I wrote about yesterday. Taking my will back puts us back in the same mess. Question: do I trust God to take care of the problem? Yes I do. I know from experience nothing but God works. I do takey will back but I need to hand it over to the Rockstar. She's the only one who can handle it. 

feb 27 reflection

The writer describes when we first started our journeys we realized we had no power over the drink. We didn't choose to pick up. We always picked up. Now we have to trust God, we turned the whole thing over. Question: have I done that?

Me- most days I do. But it's always on purpose. I have to hand it over multiple times a day. Sometimes I have to pause and start the day again in my head. Praying that God will take it from me as I hand it over. I remember before I relapsed, sometimes it was automatic. It's not automatic now. I have to make the effort all the time. 

feb 26 reflection

The writer describes how we came to believe in God. Question: do I believe each AA er is a demonstration of the power of God to change someone. Me- I used to rely on this belief for my own journey. But now God has given me my own story, my own testimony of her power to change, me  a drunkard into a sober person. 

Feb 25 reflection

The writer writes that with believing in God, you are atheist which relies on a belief that's even more unrealistic. That this is all random. Question do I remember the things that happened to be because of the power of alcohol? 

Me- Yes I do! Horrible events that I won't list here but it's safe to say, one of the rewards of sobriety is that of all the things life will throw at me. I won't have to go through those again.

Feb 24 reflection

February 23 reflection

February 22 reflection

Me-

February 21 - reflection

Me- today's reading is about us vis a vis meetings, the fellowship and God. As I live day to day I get more and more right sized. I strive for humility and service. I leave the heavy lifting for the Rockstar. It's why I get up an a godly hour to my coffee commitment on a Saturday. 

24 hour - February 20 reflection

Today's reading talks about how liquor I used to be fun. But now it's the enemy. Do I now realize that my main business is sobriety now? Yass! Sometimes I miss the days when school it the kids or marriage were the most important things in my life. Now my primary purpose is to stay sober and help others in the battle. I don't have any of the rest without this. 

February 9th reflection

FEBRUARY 9 

GETTING THE "SPIRITUAL ANGLE" 

How often do we sit in AA meetings and hear the speaker declare, "But I haven't yet got the spiritual angle." Prior to this statement, he had described a miracle of transformation which had occurred in him—not only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in his whole attitude toward life and the living of it It is apparent to nearly everyone else present that he has received a great gift; " . . . except that he doesn't seem to know it yet!" We well know that this questioning individual will tell us six months or a year hence that he has found faith in God. 

LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 275 

A spiritual experience can be the realization that a life which once seemed empty and devoid of meaning is now joyous and full. In my life today, daily prayer and meditation, coupled with living the Twelve Steps, has brought about an inner peace and feeling of belonging which was missing when I was drinking.

Me- learning this whole this is a spiritual experience helped me get the spiritual angle. I too feel small at times but the program has many fixes for us. So long as I'm seeking God. I will find her.  And feeling small is appropriate in sight of how massive God is. And shows me everyday. 

February 6 daily reflection

FEBRUARY 6 

A RALLYING POINT 

Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us. Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can stand together on this Step. 

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 

Author - I feel that A.A. is a God-inspired program and that God is at every A.A. meeting. I see, believe, and have come to know that A.A. works, because I have stayed sober today. I am turning my life over to A.A. and to God by going to an 

A.A. meeting. If God is in my heart and everyone else's, then I am a small part of a whole and I am not unique. If God is in my heart and He speaks to me through other people, then I must be a channel of God to other people. I should seek to do His will by living spiritual principles and 

my reward will be sanity and emotional sobriety.

Me- I'm following what the author is saying, but I'm not seeing how it relates. It's probably because I'm taking the LSAT tomorrow. But the authors words seem to speak of step three. And I agree. But as far as the text. The rallying point. I felt this in step two. And when I take my will back and have to go back to step two the rallying point is how I know I'll be okay. Because it's true in every story including mine. Understanding there is something bigger than me. With the perfect ability to make me better brings us all relief. Even before we hand it over. Knowing it's not my job. That there is a humugous force that is capable of miracles. Is wonderful.

February 5th reflection

FEBRUARY 5 

A GLORIOUS RELEASE 

"The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, 

but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A. 's program as enthusiastically as I could." 

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, 

Me- I love. to. fight. I'll never progress if I keep fighting though. The words of the twelve nd twelve are so true. Stop arguing. Stop fighting. Obey. So hard for me but I understand that it's all ego. I'm not proud of my ego. I don't know I feel like I have to hold onto it. It make me feel important. I am scared of being completely ignored. Misguided. I'm learning and I'm asking God to remove my shortcomings. And doing my part by acting as if. I know God can heal me. 

February 4th reflection

FEBRUARY 4 

WHEN FAITH IS MISSING 

Sometimes A.A. comes harder to those who have lost or rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all, 

for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting. They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith. 

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28

Me-The wonderful thing about meetings is that you hear people put words to what I'm feeling. I wouldn't have said I've had crisis of faith. But through others I learned I that what I was feeling at times. I also saw examples of what people did to help. Prayer, gratitude, and as my sponsor recently reminded me, WORKS seem to be the constant threads in their successful journey back to faith. I pray now not only to show reverence for the Rockstar's blessings but to grow my faith. It's very hard to trust you'll stay sober in God's hand without it. 

February 3rd reflection

FEBRUARY 3 

FILLING THE VOID 

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a 

Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. 

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 4

Me- the key for me at the beginning was the wonderful wonderful option to be WILLING to believe. That was my mountain. I've come a long way from that space. Now I choose to believe the Rockstar not only is bigger than me. He made me and she cares about my well being. I even open share how much the Rockstar's changed everything by changing me. I'm a work in progress. Thank God for God. 

February 2 reflection

FEBRUARY 2 

RESCUED BY SURRENDERING 

Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of 

omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position. 

A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311 

The great mystery is: "Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, 

while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued.

Me- all I can say is okay! I don't know why so many of us die. I'm not deserving of this umpteenth chance at life. I can accept the author saying it was because she surrendered at the same time God moved in her. I believe her. I know God did ALL the work in my case. It feels like I surrender repeatedly it true. But I also know I'm self centered, an ago maniac and manipulative. I think sometimes I pretended to surrender. God helped me anyway. The real surrender was with God's help. I'm sick. When I'm obedient it's with God's help. When I'm steadfast it's with my sponsors help. When I move out of my comfort zone it's with her help as well. I'm not strong. I'm trying to surrender. Sometimes I don't even know if I know how. But God has kept me sober until this morning. I'm grateful today. I'll try again. But I know sobriety is not a combination of skills I get correctly. I know God's hand is doing the heavy lifting. My prayer today: God keep me make the next right move repeatedly today. If you are with me , I'll go to bed tonight sober.